(A big thanks to Daniel Anderson for the idea for this page and for a bunch of the first entries!)

You might be driving a beater if...
Any part of the car is held on by string, rope, wire, duct tape, or zip ties.

Any window glass has been replaced with a garbage bag.

You have to leave your window open so you can reach inside to open the driver’s door.

Your car has different colored body panels.

Your car has exposed primer or Bondo.

You drove on the donut spare until it wore out.

None of your tires match.

One or more of your bumpers is missing.

Your foot slips off the brake pedal frequently because the cover is missing.

You never change your oil because you go through at least a case of it every 3000 miles.

You have to check ALL your underhood fluid levels every time you stop for gas.

Your floorboard is a small sheet of plywood.

One of your taillights is covered with red tape.

Your antenna is a coat hanger.

Your car bounces for a minute after you stop.

You have tears in your seats and/or carpet.

Your gas tank leaks if you fill it more than half full.

Your door lock cylinder has been punched out.

One or more of your inner door panels is missing.

You come out of grocery store and find junk my car written in the dirt on the windshield.

You can check your oil but your gas gauge doesn’t work anymore.

You tie your trunk lid closed.

Your headliner is held up with thumb tacks.

You’ve used Stop Leak in your car.

It takes two to “pop” your hood.

You have to “pump” your brakes to stop.

People think your car is on fire when you aren’t moving.

You’ve pounded out a body panel with a sledgehammer and left it that way.

Your steering wheel is turned to the left or right when you’re driving straight down the road.

You have to wrap the seat belt through the door handle to hold it closed.

Your windshield washer is a spray bottle of Windex.

Your car rattles over every bump.

Your windshield has scratches from a broken wiper blade.

Your mechanic points out a problem with your car and you say, “I was wondering what that noise was!”

Your car has holes from where emblems fell off.

You disconnected your heater core rather than fixing it since it was leaking.

You drive around with a tow bar attached to your front bumper.

You have to lift your door to close it.

You’ve attached a drawer pull anywhere on your car as a handle.

Your car has splash guards but some are missing.

Most of the cars in the junk yard look more road worthy than your own.

Your windshield wipers "park" in the middle of your windshield.

Your engine runs on fewer cylinders than it has.

Your car leaves behind it a trail of parts and/or rust as you drive down the road.

Your car is so rusty you can throw a cat through it.

Swiss Cheese calls and it wants some of its holes back.

Your car "stillruns" for a few minutes after you turn it off.

The guys on MTV's "Pimp My Ride" won't touch it.

Hey, those aren't holes in the floor, that's the self-cleaning ash tray.

You've used old license plates to patch holes in the floor.

The police pull you over and ask if the car is roadworthy.

The gas in the tank is worth more than the car.

You paid for the car with beer instead of cash.

You have to debate whether fixing a flat is a worthy investment vs junking it.

The car came with a 'salvage' title.

You don't care how close anyone parks next to you.

Friends joke that rust holds it together.

When it quits running you call the junkyard instead of AAA.

It leaks a quart of ATF a day whether you drive it or not.

Strangers ask if you are going to enter it in the demolition derby at the fair.

You don't care if beer gets spilled inside.

Anything over fifty and the shimmy is so bad you have to slow down

You donn't lock your car or roll up the windows when you park "downtown".

People draw smiley faces in the oxidized paint.

When your E-brake is a brick

The car hasn't been washed since Bush was elected-the OLDER Bush!

you don't wash your car for the dirt is holding it together

You carry wire coat hangers in the trunk, just in case you need to hold something back together.

Your carpet caught fire from it laying on top of the muffler.

Repair materials are more from Home Depot than AutoZone.

The car stereo is an old boombox with a wire coat hanger antenna and it's belted in on the passenger side seat.

you have never opened the hood for the 4 years you owned it because you were scared.

it won't meet your $100 reserve on ebay.

Your Headlamps fly off after a hard brake, and hit the car infront of you.

It sounds like a pissed off weed-eater because your exhaust has fallen off.

You WANT somebody to steal it!

Thieves return your car because its not worth stripping or stealing, or they leave it abandoned two blocks away.

Your bumper stickers are covering the rust spots and missing paint.

You were denied a trade in at Carmax!

You've been asked serveral times if you needed a tow truck even though your car runs.

You can cook an egg on the dash because your car is an oven on wheels with no a/c.

In the summer time it is hotter inside your car then outside.

People ask you when you are going to get a new paint job, and you reply "not until the paint finishes falling off"

You've become a certified mechanic because your constantly repairing it.

You know more flaws about the car then the manufacturer does.

You weren't charged for any repairs at the dealership because of the "condition" your vehicle is in.

People think you live out of your car bacause you've never cleaned it.

You've stopped to ask someone if they need a ride, and they tell you they'd guarantee that they'd make it home walking rather than riding in your car.

Something Falls off and your first reaction is "Duct Tape can fix that"

your power windows wont go up or down

your AC when on max just shoots heat

Your Date is embarrest rideng in your car and never calls you again or is "never" there

Your car is so old the value started going up

your steering is so craped out when you turn the wheel the body of the car turns not the actual car

your impressed with 10MPG on the highway

your exhast is louder than your radio

if it backfires more than once a second

when 4 people get in your car the rear goes so low you hit bumps at speeds above 5mph literaly

your wiring is so bad when you rev your car (like you can) you pop the ligths

you consider wire wheel hub caps Bling Bling

you can start your car with out the key

your 8 track tape wont come out so your stuck listing to the Beach Boys Kokomo

you have emblems that dont match your car

some one paid you to take this car

you broadsided a honda and were crying about a scratch in your bumper while the honda needs the jaws of life

your wirng consits of crapy computer parts

your odomitor goes to 120 but the car ratles to bad past 30mph (and your losing to many parts)

you put your car in the paper and put OBO (offensivly bad odor)

your dash ligths are still on after you took the fuse out

95% of your car is bondo

the bondo on your car is coverd by bondo

you know all the above is true and you still drive you car

you love how your 8 track tapes cost $25 cents @ goodwill

your exhast is SO loud that you sound like your going 200mph when your barely going 20mph

the wood sideng on your car came off so u got ply wood

you pore doller store fluids in your car and tell poeple it adds hp

the white walls on your tires are coming off in places

you start your car and ignore the Engine hot Ligth, Generator

You're on this site

You're still on this site

Your speedometer doesn't work so you are at a loss for words when you get pulled over

Cops never give you a ticket because they figure you can't afford it

Your car has a Still Runs(C) bumper sticker !

World War 2 Vets hear you coming and go get their rifles thinking that a Japanese Zero is coming

You have to manually flick your turn signal off and on when making turns.

You put your favorite tape in the radio and it won't play and it won't come out.

You don't take it through the car wash because you get sprayed with the hot was even when the window is up

You mention the gas in the tank when selling the car

Your high beams haven't worked since 1985.

Your fuel gage hasn't worked since 1975.

you painted your car with a roller and housepaint

The 4 barrels are disconnected to "get better gas mileage"

remote keyless entry means you broke the door handle and you have to use the wire off of your rc car remote control to "jimmy" the lock

the huge dent in the quarter panel has been there so long you forgot it wasn't a factory option.

your gas tank is a 5 gallon can mounted near the antenna.

Mechanics refuse to do any work under your car until you take it to the car wash and steam clean the oil and grease off of it.

The horn honks when you turn the steering wheel

The beer cans become part of the decor

When no one, and I mean no one, can guess the year, make or model of the car

You've been towed so many times the tow truck driver invites you and the wife over for dinner

You are relying on RainX to keep the rain off the windshield cause only passenger wiper works

Your wife refuses to drive it and would rather walk

Your kids won't drive it to high school five miles away and would rather ride the school bus

You have to hotwire the car to get it started

People driving beaters look at you and say, "WOW! What a beater!"

when you open the door it falls off

you have four diffrent hub caps

when you get in you hit your head on the roof and your head goes right through

when your getting towed,the chain snaps and your car goes rumbling down the flat bed and smashes into oncoming traffic

every body panel is a diffrent color

You know you need to add oil when the color of the blue smoke changes.

Nobody ever tries to cut you off in heavy trafic and they never tailgate you.


only one door opens

it sounds like a muscle car

If the name AMC Pacer makes you Drool!!

If you have an American car built in the 1980's

You don't need drugs because of the exhaust fumes.

your company tells you not to park in the company lot due to Environmental Protection Agency rulings

they won't accept your car as a trade in to a tow it in, push it in, we'll give you a hundred dollars for your trade sale

Your Fuse Box Blew up along time ago and you figure well 22 bullet shells work rigth?

when you go through the car wash your changes from painted to rust

You get rear ended and the other guy trys to avoid the wreck thinking you dont have insurance

Your Reading this still (conu from above)

Duck Tape(C) is now controling 5% or more of your car

Your Grand Parents (or Parents) remeber when your car was new

Your Car Does not stop after you press the brake

u r missing all of your taillights


your car stalls at an idle--and you tell your friends it's a gas saving feature

Your aftermarket am/fm/cass with no knobs or faceplate falls out of the dash if you hit the brakes too hard.

You have 3 hubcaps on the car, and not one matches the others

If it's worth more as scrap then what you originally paid for it.

your gas tank is a 5 gallon paint bucket in the back seat with a hose running into the trunk...

you tell your passengers to hold their breath when youre backing up because of the burning oil...

jacking up the car might crack the frame...

you can fit more in your trunk than a new pickup can in the bed...

any part of the dashboard/console is missing

you get tetnis from scratching your leg on the door...

you neglect putting new parts on it because you want to see if it lasts the winter...

you have more than one spare tire

it was ever a taxi cab...ever

The passenger seat is now a rumbler due to the massive holes in your exhaust pipe.

buying a new set of tires quadruples the value of the car.

Your gas tank gets full sooner after the huge dent from hitting an approach

Your Car Pays It's Self off when it gets hit .. lol

it has a missing hubcap

the car was ever used to deliver Domino's Pizzas(C)

the trunk lid pops up when you hit a bump in the road.

the trunk lid flies off when you hit a bump in the road.

one of the windows falls inside the door when you hit a bump in the road.

your vinyl top makes a big bubble when you're driving into the wind.

your hood pops up, covering your windshield while you're driving.

the windshield wipers make more noise than the engine

you need to ask someone for a jump start more than 17 days per month

you have to do your weekly grocery shopping in two trips so you won't bottom out on the way home.

you forget how many times the odometer turned over.

it takes two hands (and all your might) to roll the window up or down.

people gather up their kids and run into their homes when they see you coming down their street

all the body mounts wore out and fell off the car 187,000 miles ago.

you completely wore out your dipstick.

your car is so dirty that new dirt just bounces right off it.

they stopped making replacement parts for your car.

the scrap yard won't even take it off your hands...no matter how much money you offer them.

you've been driving the car so long that you lost more money in the seats than you initially paid for the car!

If there are so many old beer cans in the back seat that you car smells like cat piss

You fixed your broken motor mount with a length of chain.

the stop switch is handheld!

you have to enter from the passenger side since the outside driver's door handle is broken!

a truck mirror is mounted on the door.

garbage IS the carpet!

tow trucks follow you around like vultures.

you laugh as you hit 382,000 miles (I did)

you're "running it into the ground".

the back end is bending and sagging since the frame rotted away.

Your wife won't park her station wagon next to it in the garage

you have to carry around towels and old t-shirts to jam in the windows when it rains because your weatherstripping is leaking/missing in places, and you cant take it thru an automatic wash without getting all the same wash treatments as the car

Your Still Reading This....

Your Car is older than You!!!!!!!!!!

any seat has been permanently removed for more 'storage capacity' and its NOT a minivan or SUV

If you bought it or are selling it on eBay.

The pickup bed is held on by gravity.

You throw in a few spare parts to make it sell faster

You refer to your car as "the money Pit"

You car is double your age

you buy moter oil in 5 quart jugs because it uses more than a quart a day

Your neighbors complain that your car is hurting their property values

The garbage men try to take it away whe you park it on the curb

you burnout in front of the principal go home and spray it down with black spraypaint so he won't notice you the next morning.

ur car is more rust than sheet metal

your hubcaps come from wallmart

the amount of duck tape you are using to patch rust exceedes the amount of unrusted metal feft on the car

The seat falls through the floor when you sit on it.

Your temperature guage is permentally stuck at the HOT mark

You fill the body panels with cement to make it safer.

You work on it all week to drive it on Saturday, just to have it towed home on Sunday to fix it again.

If the main interior color scheme in your car is Pine Tree airfreshiners

When your freinds think the RS stands for Real S#####

You haven't seen you ashtray since 1985 due to it being burried in cigarette butts.

If you keep a coat hanger wired under the car to use as a spare door key when you lock yourself out of the car.

The coat hanger you wired under the car is wired with two other coat hangers that were run through the holes in the frame.

If the only reason you are in "good shape" is because you have to solo push start it everyday.

You engage o/d by pulling on the wire coming out of the floor and wrapping it around the only remaining dash knob, which was salvaged from a 30's radio because it wold stay on the shaft and accept a finishing nail retainer pin.

Your poor

You have more anti freeze on the drive way then in your radiator

The worst day of the year is when your inspection expires

People call you instead of the salvage yard because you have a spare everything for your model car.

You have a child booster seat behind the driver's seat to keep it upright

If the only panel that isn't dented is the cowl, because even the pizza drivers couldn't figure out how to hit that...

You're crusing around and your tranny falls out!

When you drive down the road and your axel slips out from underneath you

Bush gets re-elected!

The vinyl roof has been replaced with duct tape.

when you leave a demo derby someone ask you if you won

Your car's value is in direct propotion to the amount of gas in the tank.

You can't remember if you used the bungee cord to hold the bumper up or the trunk lid down!

When you pull up to the demoliton derby everyone instantly starts talking to you

Intead of counting the stars you count the rust holes

Little kids point and say "Mommy, what's wrong with that car?"

Your hubcaps consist of one stock, one custom, and one from a completly diferent car you found on the side of the road, and one is non-existant

16 year old hispanics offer to buy it off you

Even Overhualin' don't want it

When you drive past garage sales they expect you to stop.

When your driving, you can piont out the varuis parts that fell off and are laying on the side of the road.

There's at least two rolls of duct tape and one pack of bungees on it.

Your speedometer rooled over mre than twice

Your not sure what the original color was

Your hood emblem is long gone

You bribe the emisions test guys

Monster truck drivers offer you 20 bucks and two tickets to the show for it

When it rains you go, "So it DOES have whitewalls..."

When it rains, you need a yellow rain suit to drive it.

Your kid wont let you drive him to school in it.

You're crazy enough to name your cars after old sitcom characters

It's brown

Your exhuast is made from taped together pepsi cans

Your exhaust is so loud that the custom import guys expect you to race them

You get your Cadillac impounded for no brake lights (It happened) :P

You love this site (and i do)

Your check engine light has been on so many times that the bulb wore out.

it ain't a Chevrolet

it is posted on this site (see Christopher's ride under reader's rides)

you forgot what year, make,& model it is so you make something up

you looked at Christopher's ride (above) and emailed him at c_mielitz@yahoo.com

one of the wheels is a two piece and neither are attached

it is rolling around at the bottom of this page

it gets gallons per mile(Christopher's ride)

you are to poor to fix it so you leave it like it is and don't care what it lookes like

it is missing 1 or more tires(Christopher's ride)

Overhaulin' can't customize it in one week

it has ever been a taxi cab in Athens GA

Instead of 20's and Toyos it is rolling on bad 15 OE's and bald BF's

you have to bribe it to start it

you offered someone $100,000 to steal it, and they turned you down

It's older than your Dad And He's a senior citizen

you get in the car and it hits the ground

you replaced the engine with a lawn mower engine!

its your sons go kart

you floor it and gas comes out your tailpipe (beleave me it's happend!!

its so dirty that people write wash me on the wind shield and doors

You've never washed it because it would make the car look worse.

The brand name starts with an f, ands in a D, and has an OR in the middle.

the last time you changed the oil it was new

Most of these are not funny...

your just saying that because you drive a FORD

you must stop every mile to fill it with oil

might be driving a beater if your hood is held down with a chain, or has only half the latch working

you might be driving a beater if you touch 2 wires together for the horn

your seat is an empty beer crate

the amount of empty beer cans in the back are worth more in scrap than the value of your car

your steering wheel is wrapped in some sort of tape

you have to crash start it

kids overtake you on thier push-scooters and skateboards

it cant make it up a hill with passengers aboard

if u have a wind up handle to start it under the hood

the engine looks like a portable barber q

the belt squeal is so loud people look to see if your doing a burn out

Your car burns so much oil it is mistaken for a mosquito fogger.

Some Punk kid without insurance rear ends you and does $1000 In damage to his car and your bumper isnt affected

when ever you turn a corner every one turns and laughs at you

you consider you milage gauge a "score Gauge" higher milage = Higher Score =)

you consider 3 people pushing your cars turbo

speedo dont work so you have marks on the tach to tell you how fast your going. (based on your buddy driving next to you)

If you can switch off the electric fuel pump to get girls to "park" in it."outta gas"

you have to throw a bone into it just to get your dog to go with you.

if its a four door but only three work

if the guys on MTV pimped it out

your car looks good from far but is far from good.


u have no hubcaps at all!

if ur driving down the road and your motor falls out of the car

Police don't bother giving you a reason when they pull you over.

If you have to drive dressed like an eskimo in the winter cause the heat don't work.

You have scratched your home phone into the roof so the person who was borrowing it knew your number to call when it broke down.

Your grandfather bought the car new for less than 2 grand.

You've been approached to use your car for a fundraiser to sell tickets at a dollar apiece for each whack with a sledge hammer.

Cats refuse to walk accross your unfinished hood...wait a minute...what hood?

If the windshield wipers work by manually pulling a string back and forth.

If your twenty-something year old child was conceived during a steamy night in the back seat.

You have to count to more than 10 after switching the tranny into gear before the drive engages.

you shop for parts at the dump

your gas cap is a dirty old grocery bag

you drive with the heater cranked in summer to keep the engine cooler

you start your engine by touching a tire iron to the solenoid

when you add coolant your oil level rises


your truck has a list to the port side

if the hub caps falls of when you go around bends faster then 35

It's got so much bondo it leans!

it doesn't bother you to clean the snow off your car with a stiff bristle shop broom.

you don't part to close to a dumpster in fear that the garbage truck might mistake you ride for the unit.

your radiator is so rusted it breaks its mounts on the freeway. Happend to me =*)

15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days.

Every time you start your car, the local smog index jumps a whole point.

For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "varoom-varoom" noises while sitting in the driveway.

Hitch hikers hide when they see you coming.

Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

Public transportation starts to look good.

Some old duffer tells you that they are the best car ever made!

The 8-track tape deck finally eats your last tape.

The city sends you a notice requesting that you remove the "abandoned vehicle" from your driveway.

The engine burns more oil than gas.

The engine catches fire and you don't notice anything wrong until the firetruck pulls you over.

The family is no longer upset in having to share the dinner table with a bunch of disassembled parts.

The guy at the parts house is listed as a dependent on your income tax form.

The local mechanic says that doing a tune-up is just "throwing good money after bad."

There's no oil on the garage floor so you know the car's completely empty.

Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club."

Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

When you try to sell it, The Old Car Trader won't accept your ad because they, "have a reputation to protect."

When your generator dies, you just pull another out of your pile of bits.

While waiting at a stop-light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

You allow four hours for a trip, 3 for repairs and 1 for driving.

You always park downhill.

You are invited to join a car restoration club.

You can leave your car parked, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition, and not worry about it being stolen.

You can unstick a jammed starter in the dark, in the rain, in 5 minutes and don't think it's a big deal.

You don't trust anyone whose car doesn't smoke.

You double the value of your car every time you fill the tank.

You get in a car and are surprised when all of the instruments work.

You have the local mechanic on speed-dial. You have the local tow company on speed-dial.

You judge suitable parking spaces by the degree of downhill slope.

You wash your hands before working in the engine compartment. You wouldn't mind if you were car-jacked. You'd rather give the family pit bull a bath than tune your carburetors again. Your car leaves more smoke than a David Copperfield show.

You offer a friend a lift and they say no because they are in a hurry. You spend more on oil than on gas. You tell your wife that you were out until 3AM because the car broke down...and she believes you.

Your car makes a funny sound and you immediately know what's wrong, how much it will cost, and what tools you will need to repair it.

You park at Goodwill and they come out and tell you, you cant donate your car.

Instead of a seat, you have bare coils.

You have the Yellow Pages for tow trucks ripped off and in your glove compartment.

Your headliner is held in by thumbtacks. (My Uncle's is.)

Your friends can end any argument with a "Burn" by just mentioning your ride.

Instead of 'Yo momma's so fat...' jokes, others use 'Yo car's so ugly...' jokes.

Kids refer to it as 'The (Insert durogatory term here) car'.

You are refered to as the guy with the ugly car.

You could take off a body panel, flaten it, and call it "Modern art."

kids scream and hide when they see you comming down the street.

you made friends with rats living in the back seat

you bought it from a hobo

there is so much rust that when the tow truck tried to pull it away it ripped in two

Theres so much rust your kid shot it with his B-B gun and the side panel crumbled up like an old cracker.


You welded two bikes together and dropped a volkswagon body on it

You live with your parents

You call your '91 escort "Elenor"

Some 92 year old man likes your car

you exchanged food stamps for cash to purchase your vehicle

when calling in a quote for liability coverage your car is unlisted

It takes reflexes of a fine race car driver to keep the car in its lane on a smooth, straight road.

driving it home from where you bought it, the dash catches fire when you turn on the radio.

you have to add oil after going up hill

instead of giving you a speeding ticket, the cop drives by laughing

you keep another beater for emergencies

you JB Weld the water pump on because all the bolt holes in the block are stripped

you don't waste time cleaning all the egg off it the day after holloween

When you have to put gas in you open your trunk and fill the can

You stop to pick up the mudflaps, because they are worth more than your car.

You set the idle up to approximately 2000 RPM to make it home after the throttle cable breaks. (Did it in a 72 corvette, what a peice.)

Punks don't wizz on your car for fear of disease!

The fake bullet holes, aren't fake.

You have ever considered being on overhaulin.

You frequently say "Please God" when turning the ignition key.

It dies when you stop at a stoplight.

You thank the engineer when he hits your car. Grim Ripper

Your tachometer is your fuel gauge: The faster you rev the engine, the lower the needle goes!

you drive with one foot on the gas and one on the brakes

if you carry a codless drill and self drilling scews to pt parts back on your ride

When you bump any part of the car with your hand, you can hear pieces of rust raining down under the car.

you pray to get 2 miles down the road.

You're car might be a beater if you close the talegate and three windows simotanieously brake.

the only reason there isn't more rust on the car is that it fell off the car.

your main fuse is an aluminum gum wrapper

your car looks better under a street light than in daylight

you look for touch up paint the same color as the duct tape on your car

you forgot what the original color used to be

you've used appliance parts to fix the light/wiper switches

the wheelbase is shorter on the right side from repeatedly hitting curbs

there are slogans written in marker on the trunk like "don't laugh, its paid for"

you've shot it twice, and its still not dead (apologies to Bill Maudlin)

You go back to Home Depot to get more of what fixed it last year.

the carpet catches fire on the hot exhaust, so you pull up to a convieniently gushing hydrant and open the door to put it out.

your dog junps out the windshield

you cant open the doors

you can't close the doors

you need a fresh tetanus shot each time you accidentally rub up against the car

The right side white walls are 10 times the normal size from hitting the curb so many times

it looks like a spider web from all the crakes in the winshield

your gas cap is a rag

You might be driving a beater if you cant put more than $5 gas in the tank because it is because a hole is rusted in it.

your driving down the road and your own back tire passes you up.

you do a burnout and loose your rear end

if you have a 01 spray pained on the door

it has 4 wheel drum brakes

if you use a CB antena as a gas guage

if you have a home made push button starter.

one door is power and the other is manual

your radiater overflow is a 2 liter bottle.

your back window is the front window of anouther car that has been duck taped imto place

your trunk is big enought to fit all four tires

if your wiper fies off and hits the car next to you

if your gas pedal is a barn door hing

your idea of cruise control is a brick

you cant put your window down without something flying out

your tires cost more than the car

when people say " you STILL have that thing"

your tail lights are off a tracter

you use a whole tube of silicone on the window and it still leaks.

if you can hit some one, total there car, and you can fix yours with a sledge hammer

if you carry a pan to set under the tranny when you park, so you can fill it back up after work

you cant see your back seat

you dont have a back seat

if your rocker paneel is made of a 2x4 and some beer cans

if the grill of your car is off your gas grill

every tire is a different size

you loose your car and you really dont care

you have to reach trew the floor to shift into drive

if you are using a point distributer

gas tank held up with coat hangers

any key will start your car

its a covertible with no top

if the name of your car is THE BEAST

you can only do 25 in the rain

if your cars not smoking you get worried and pull over

your rear quarters start flappin at 30

if thet mistook your car as being abandoned

if your cars so big you have trouble going thew drive threws

if someone pukes all over the side of your car, and you think its cool.

if you use used oil in your car

if you have toggle swithes for everything

if your mud flaps have rooted off your car

if most of your parts are original, and the car was made in the 60s

you use peices of 2x4 stuck in the coils so the d**n thing wont bottom out

if puting your seatbelt on requires you to tie it in a knot

the glove box wont open and neither will the trunk

if the ignition,doors, and trunk all user different keys

an animal lives in the car

if the dome lights the only thing holding the head liner up

so much rust you cant get a good ground

if you have put your car fire out more than once with beer

your carpets the same color as the ground

if cleaning your car involves at least two garbage bags

if your stering wheel comes off wile driving

if the smell of gas is a good sign

you have to use hand signals wile turning or stopping

if you avoid highways at all costs

if an fm sterio was an option on your car

if a body part has just fallen of wile in motion

if your exhaust is made totally of cambellsoup cans

pushing in the cigarette lighter stalls the car

has body parts from different make of car

you were in a bad accident that totaled the car, but you still drive it that way

If both bumpers have been replaced with used RR ties

You know what time of the day that it smokes more on the highway.

it used to be a Baghdad taxi

if...you carry an ice scraper for the INSIDE of the car in the winter time.

if...you use license plates and beer cans to keep the 1/4 panels from flapping.

if...you used beer bottles to make a custom antenna

if...you pinch off a brake line that blew out.

if...your stereo equipment has ever caught your car on fire.

if...you say your AC is 4x60 technology that only is 3x60

if....you have to pull the thermostat to keep it running cool.

if...you hit a bump and the window falls down.AND you have to stick your fingers in the hole to pull it back up.

You keep towels in the car to smother the carburator fires.

if your car only runs on "REGULAR"

if you can let go of the wheel and still make a U-Turn ~Tex

it's slow to accellerate because you must shift from 1st directly to 4th (missing 2nd and 3rd) ~ Tex

you park two blocks from work or school so no one hears it backfire when you turn it off ~ Tex

when your stereo consists of a boom box and a case of D Batteries ~ Tex

your car is never claimed by the local kids when playing the "That's My Car" game ~ Tex

you receive letter from your son's local high school asking if you'd be willing to donate it to the shop program ~ TEx

if you must throw the car into neutral and coast to a stop while pressing the gas to keep the car idling ~ Tex

you own a Geo and your car seats say Honda ~ Tex

You embarrass yourself every time you get in it

it looks like its doing a burnout when you rev it up in park

if you consider rust holes to be natural weight reduction -haid

if you can jump on the bumper and make the wheels come off the ground

when you do a burnout the wheel hop makes your ashtray dump all over the floor

you know the exact RPM that your exhaust will fall off

E-Check refuses to check your emissions due to no exhaust coming out of tail pipe

If your transmission crossmember is made from a 2x4 and a piece of chain

1 or more of the windows is missing

someone takes a dump in it and you don't care

your sideburns flap in the wind due to rust holes all throughout the car

your bumper is made of a 2x4 and reflective tape

your burnout valve is broken

channel locks make a great cutting tool for the percision dash installment

you had to perfect the art of shifting without a clutch

your fuel cell is portable

you turn your stereo up real loud and act like the scraping, ticking, and clunking sounds are part of the music

it has been rolled more than once

The only thing holding the car together is the paint.

you consider your bald tires to be "racing slicks"

you consider a fart can to be a full performance exhaust

If your car looks worse than your truck

the stero is worth more then the car

when it back fires more then you

the oil is older then the car jr

when the rats are bigger then the farm dog jr

the poor will not wash your windows for free jr

the junkyard say we cant take this jr

when you stop the radio turn on jr

your wife shops at wal-mart jr

the ashtray is your spit cup jr

When a shopping trolly overtakes you

your best friend lends you duck tape so you can duck tape your front bumber back up

you dont need keys to start the car

your gas gauge is a broomstick you jam in the tank

you use black tape to fix the check engine light

your fuse box consist of alagator clips and extra wire

parts originaly held on with 8 bolts now are held with 3

all four wheels are doughnut spares because they are cheap at the junk yard

it comes out of a 5 car pile-up looking better

when your bumper sticker reads, "My other car is a Yugo".

You have to where googles cuz the headliner particles keep getting in your face

You have to touch the wires together as the ignition dose work

you carry a hammer to "fix" the car when it breaks down.

you come out of the automatic car wash with less parts than when you went in.

you wonder why you bothered with the car wash anyway?!?!?!

you have to punch the dash a few times for anything to work, like wipers, lights, ect.

your automatic transmission stalls if you dont slam on the gass at green lights my tempo

your s10 has no bed, and the exhaust pipe goes through the missing back window.

you tore your shirt on the rust

you drove your rolled truck until you got pulled over for the obvious missing glass, and other obvious reasons....true story!

you have more than one (empty) can of starting fluid in the car

Vice grips make a good replacement window crank

you used roofing tar to to replace the missing trim around the windshield

WHEN YOU got it to the floor and people look and they see a 76 ford going by at 30mph going gelllllllll all noise no movement

you wore out 5 driver window cranks handles and are in the market for the 6th (Archie)

your accelarator cable breaks and you use your shoe string to get home

you have to remember to not shut it off untill you get it home

NAPA has to get out "books" to look up parts for it

it came from South America

you don't care what others think. As long as it...wait! Its not running! Shucks!

the paint matches the rust

mall security has to find you to inform you that your car has leaked 5 gallons of gas in the parking garage

you only use it to pick up hookers

the population of insects in the interior exceed the population of the world

you call it a rat rod just to make people think its supposed to look like you found it on the bottom of a lake

if your engines displacement is less than the bottle you drink from holds

your engine smacks the hood when you put it in gear

you cant jack up your car because you're afraid the frame will turn to dust

your windshield is made from the same material that keeps the chickens in the yard

you have to jiggle the wires under the hood to turn your wipers on.

Your new paint job has brush/roller marks

you always invite a friend along in case you need a push.

You always keep the jumper cables in the back seat, next to the spare tire.

If the maker of your vehicle is on the Verge of Bankruptcy!

You tear out the bondo to redo some body work and find Cardboard.(SEEN IT!IT HAS HAPPENED!)

Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.

Starting your car involves popping the hood.

u bump start around corners because your car dosent idel unless the chokes on

You've been telling your friends "...I bought it as a restoration project..." for the last 20 years!

You're constantly buying new tools because the old ones keep falling out the rust holes in your trunk.

Dave's '72 "Archie" Impala looks GOOD parked next to YOUR P.O.S.!

Dave's '72 "Meathead" Impala looks like a SHOWCAR parked next to YOUR P.O.S.!


YOURS is featured on DontRunNoMo.com

Dave parks 10 spaces away 'cause he's afraid YOURS will give Archie door-dings!

If on the back of your car where all the dirt is sitting some kid rights with his finger "Junk Me"

you always carry a tow chain in the back seat and the driver seat is held on by 1 bolt

you push,pull and tow with it(who needs a tow truck?)84 pony

your driver seat adjustabilyty is moving around the piece of wood thats holding the seat up!

you pick up your tune up parts at the junkyard

there no radio and you tell your buddys that you rather ear it if something goes wrong

you carry a spare battery to compensate for your non working alternator

you entertain the idea of cutting the roof off to make a roadster

you use spray on asphalt undercoating as a paint job!

you been driving for 3 year with no reverse

you leave it running often and chuckle hoping someone will steal it

after performing a repair you tell your friends it was a "performance modification"

you complain about the cost of brake fluid

you're on a first name basis with the staff at the salvage yard

your wife nicknamed your vehicles "Stally" and "Smokey" and refuses to drive either one

When you want a gift certificate to your favroite junkyard.

You take it into the bush hunting because you don't want to waste the money on a junker truck

You drive in places most people won't take thier 4x4's.

You don't clean out the .22 casings from between the dash and the windshield..because it keeps it from rattling so much.

You have a parts car, and the car you drive...same goes for your 'Emergency" car.

You keep multiple beaters (with parts cars for each) so you can always have one on the road.

You have only one licence plate, for more then one vehicle (and its expired)

You cut you hand on your tire belts whenever you touch the tire.

The junkyard has a stack of old tires on rims put aside for you.

When you put on a new tire, you throw the old rim in the pile with the rest of them.

You burn your old tires off the rims so you can take them in to sell as scrap iron.

you have bull horns held on by hose clamps to impress the babes

if your rear view mirror falls off when you hit the speed humps at 25, which means ya gotta go faster like 40

you hold up your head liner with your pimp cane from goodwill so you can see out your back window

when theres more oil on the concrete than in the engine

you jump it so hard that you total it so you can get the insurance money

You attempt to jump it so hard that you total it so you can get the insurance money...but no matter what you do, you can't destroy the damn thing

Your car is so old it is forever exempt from having an emissions test.

your tire comes off track and you always have to take the bus

the military wanted it for target practice

you live in the US and drive a lada... Look that one up!

if you let you friends hit your car with bats

Your second home is pick-n-payless (blacktown, australia)

you buy an air pod to make it go faster and cut a hole in the bonnet with an angle grinder to make it fit (i did)

you carry countless bottles of water in the back seat, and tell your friends you get thirsty a lot, but you know this isnt the deal

your car was owned by a third-world dictator (1974 mercedes 280 se)

your ride was featured car of the year in a magazine you found under all the junk while cleaning out your garage

Dave drives alongside and he wants a race

a can of black paint , fuzzy dice and a pair of "playboy" seatcovers is involved in the pimping of your ride

You can't find any coat hangers in your closet because you used them all on the car!

The hamburger under your passenger seat has been there so long that it's no longer a bio hazzard.

you fill your washer bottle with oil and run the line into the valve cover breather hole so you can add oil as you drive.

EVEN ARCHIE LOOKS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you put oil in more often then you put gas in

It is a Lincoln Versailles

you put more time into the car than food in your mouth

Your car is two parts cars welded together to make one car

if your parts car cost more than your car

you bought it from a police oction

someone calling it a rustbucket is a copmlement

you have a spare motor in the back seat

you found it abandoned in the woods

your grandmother was coceived in it

in 1966 your car was 30 years old

if duct tape was involved in ay of the repairs

if the used car salesman won't even trade your car in... arrogant bastard!

Your car is better equiped with tools than a service... just in case


When you drive anything other than a Ford or a GM.

you have to use a pen to hold the choke open just to start it. (I did on my '83 Olds Cutless Supreme)

you have to honk the horn to start the car - short in steering column - Dodge

your car has at least 7 dents in the body

if you drive a ford

if you drive a ford ?

if your cars odometer SAYS ERROR


if you car has atleast 2 rolls of duct tape in it

U can see a good view of the ground

the grill is borken in half

the emblems are missing

your glass is sone ZIPLOC bags

if your top is or was duct tape

last time you got a flat you decided you could make it home on 3, safely

Who needs breaks, down shift and use the gravel to slow you

you store tools and duct tape in the empty door speaker holes

your idea of airconditioning is forty and four, 40MPH and 4 windows open

The front end is pushed so far in the front doors are pinned, So you use the back doors to get in and out

The last few accidents youve had totaled the other guys cars and only left dents in yours

Drive with a kerosene heater, lit for heat, in the back seat in winter

Use a wind guage in your vent window to judge you speed

if you carry your spare tires in the back seat and all 4 of them are snow tires.

you can't have passengers due to the drivers seat is the only seat in the car

when your car turns on by itself

If you have more than 4 parts of other cars on your car

when the horn honks when you hit the brakes

When you can never start your car due to the risk of fire.

your car has 2 horsepower (A.K.A.yourcar is towed by 2 horses)

if dont drive the car in a rainstorm because the windshield leaks so bad you cant see to drive the car safely. the car was a 72 impala with no reverse.

Your car is 1 wheel drive

You have to wiggle the ignition key every time you use the turn signal to keep the car from dying. (true story)


any kind of taxi can beat your car

you needed to beef up the rear frame (not because of you "powerful" motor but because it was sagging to low)

the police pull you over because your not wearing the seatbelt. and you say but officer it doesnt have one!

your at a gas station(which your frequently at because of the holes in your gastank) and go to start your car and the starter falls off, so forever more you have to *pop* start your car

you have it floored on a uphill and your losing speed so semis are passing you

You've driven it for two years and know you can still get what you paid for it

if you spend more time working on it than you do driving it

every time you drive it something else goes wrong

if you get a rim out of the junk yard and not all your rims match on your car car so you spaypaint them

you to embarrest to go to your car, because there are too many people around

if you jerk your steering whells back and forth and the front of the car comes off the ground.(1986 Ford Tempo)

Somebody steals it and you just go out and by another one

you have bought more then 5 parts out of a junkyard for the car.

if you have a room a/c in your truck.

if you have a big rust hole in your car,truck and it's cooling the brakes off cause they get to hot.

if when you stop the people around you think the school bus has its yellow lights flashing.

you weld your old metal kitchen cabinets to cover up the hole in the floor under the drivers seat because it rusted out.

A semi is faster thanyour car.[1992 Ford Ranger MINT condition Just underpowered]

damn it! my 61 impala's most of the above..... i check the brake fluid, water, look under..... DAILY. need heater core, wiper blades..... car has ONE SPEED! ...................... BMW735il's FOR SALE ;)~ (it's MINT!)


the vin # says it is a 81 2 wheel drive 6 cln. half ton longbed...but it is 4x4,short bed from a 88,full time four wheel drive with 1 ton axles,33" boggers and a 327 industrial engine and gets 4 mpg

If you bought two seats from the junkyard, and they didn't match! (Hey, it happened to us) ~ Travis

If you bought it off someones hands for 100 dollars and when it was totaled, made all that money back, and THEN SOME!!!

a revell model goes faster than your car

if you take your old ford pickup and run into a telphone poll because it wont turn enuff.

its motor is as big as your couch

you buy a 79 PACER and bringing it home on the car dolly you get a flat tire ...but the flat is one of the tires that is locked onto the car dolly......it happened to me today.....


You hit a puddly in the road and get splashed in the face. Unfortunatly happend in my moms old 71' Chevelle.

You are able to hand your steering wheel to your passengers while driving down the road for a good laugh at there reaction.

Cops won't give you a ticket out of pity.

..junkyards call you before they crush a better one than you're driving.

people behind the counters of auto parts stores laugh at your requests, then call other parts stores to let them laugh at you too (not to help you find anything!)

...you leave it running in a bad section of town, and someone turns it off.

have to sit on a towel so you dont get grease stains on your court clothes

you keep a rag on the dash because you defrost dont work

you pull up a the drive throught and have to open your door to get you order because you window dont roll down

your car make to many noises to figue out where its coming from

you open the door while driving down down the road to hear that noise better

your windows are so dirty they look tinted

you drive around with your glove box open because it wont close

you have more pennies stuck in your cup hold and cant remove from all the drinks that spilled in the past

you take the air freshener out of the gas station bathroom to make your car smell better

leave your windows down you get in and wonder where hell did all these flies come from

get pulled and it take you 5 minutes to find your registion because your glovebox is full of autozone reciepts

you have a credit a the part store

you have house speakers mounted in your car

you cant drive it because it raining to hard

you make a wish list of all the parts you need

you keep spare parts for your car in your kitchen

have to get a flashlite to get something out of your car at nite because the inside lites dont work

drive at nite with highbeams on because the low beams dont work

you use hand signals when you turn

it cost 8 dollars to paint it flat black

you keep all your tools in your trunk

every time it rains you get a puddle of water in your trunk

grass grows on your carpet because of all the dirt

your liscense tag is mad out of cardboard and says lost tag

at nite others think a motorcycle is come in the other lane and as you drive by they relize its a car

your car is so loud that your neigbors know you your late for work in the mourning

you rev your car up in the driveway to get rid of the skeeters in the yard

you keep can of starter fluid in the front seat

it takes 2 people to start it

you have to shut it off in gear so the engine dont try to keep running

you have greasey finger print throught your hanes manual

you apply wax to your car and it wont wipe off

you have to hold the steering wheel with to hands when you apply the brakes

"Park" is a piece of 2x4.

The airbags are stuffed back in and duct taped shut.

You have to give it a "foot-feed" tune up.

Your headlight consists of an empty 20 oz. pepsi bottle with the halogen bulb inside it.

You store extra bottles of oil behind the headlights.

Your radiator fan is wired up to a toggle switch.

You don't want to take the time to remove the dash to replace your old heater core, so you just mount the new one to the top of the dash with plumbers tape.

When you turn a corner, both side doors swing open.

Window tint holds shattered glass in place just fine.

Vise-Grip pliers are a suitable replacement for a steering wheel.

You have a rolled-up carpet as a bumper.

You lock the door with a padlock.

You can't change a tire because anywhere you try to jack up the car, it is holes or rusted through.

the car has bondo and gum holding the frame rails together

you have to yell when talking to passengers because the muffler has such a big hole in it.

The car stalls any time you take your foot off the gas pedal, even at highway speeds

theres enough smoke to blind everyone behind you

your doctor says you need to quit smoking, but you don't even smoke!

u have a flat tire

you measure the car's economy in breakdowns per mile

Its so rusted, your raidiator falls out when your driving down the road.

Your brake fluid is used vegetable oil you took from your job at Burger King.

You can smell brake fluid just by thinking about brake fluid.

You always keep a pair of comfortable sneakers in the trunk.

You show your parents your "new" car, your mom covers her mouth with her hand and turns her head saying, "Oh, Harold!", and your dad (Harold), with his pipe in his mouth, horn-rimmed glasses and wearing sock suspenders and slippers yells, "Where did we go


Your car is frequently spotted at pawn shops and payday loan stores.

You are frequently spotted at pawn shops and payday loan stores, your car is not there.

You are frequently spotted walking around various parts of town carrying a gas can.

You are frequently spotted riding a bicycle.

You pawn your bicycle to buy parts.

When you buy parts for your car, you have to bring $10 and tools.

Your car is frequently parked in your friends back yard for weeks at a time.

Your bumper sticker says "Nixon/Agnew '68".

Tailgaters are no problem for you.

Replacement parts are no longer available.

You leave it anywhere in New Jersey and it's still there 3 weeks later.

Checking the oil level is no longer possible since I broke the dipstick tube off.

Driving down the road, you just realized that bumper you saw on the side of the road is yours.

You find your bumper and license plate on your front porch with a littering ticket attatched.

you won't get on the highway without jackstands in the trunk

you have owned it longer than the underwear you have on (or the pair in the back seat...don't ask !!)

the last time you washed it,Ronny was still in office

your ex won't take it in the divorce

you try to give the title up to sucure a loan,and still get denied,from your own spouse.(Love ya,Di)

it gets tagged as junk and/or abandoned by the police,in the parking lot at work,just because the oil stain on the pavement is bigger then the car.

you drive it to make your insurance payment and you get cancled(park a block away from the office now)

the total you spent to buy your last 4 cars is less the the 6 month insurance payment, for plpd, on just two of them.

you dont figure gas mileage, it's oil usage per mile

the mice left a note in the glovebox "clean this piece of $h1T out,there is too much trash in here to find the ketchup packets" and it written in mustard !

you have 2x4s holding up the front fenders

your own kid wont drive it, even if you offer to fill the oil and gas tanks for him.

you made bumpers from duct tape and plastic fencing

it is painted from more then 3 different colors of house paint, from your grandparents basement.

it runs on scotch

you change the plugs more often then your socks

you have anti-foulers on ALL the spark plugs, and still change them more often then the kids diaper

you have summer and winter tires, and all 8 are different sizes(and only 1 snow tire is studded)

your 16 yr old neighbor kid buys duct tape, in your cars color, so you quit stealing all of his !

"Duck" brand duct tape has offered to sponsor your daily driver and your race car

you've become completely accustomed to people laughing in your general direction wherever you drive.

your car even gets ridiculed in the worst part of the ghetto

your car has had more hits than elvis

you make a floor out of diamond-plated metal (worked for us)

when something breaks it "finally broke"

When you bought the car, it came with the Chilton's manual.

You can change the spark plugs without opening the hood because the fenders are missing.

You can change the spark plugs without opening the hood because the hood is missing.

Your car is missing a door.

When you wave at someone behind you they think you are broke down and pass you.

When you stop at a rest area, you come back and find a fresh Highway Patrol tow sticker on your back window.

The paint has peeled, exposing you to potential lead poisoning.

You gave up trying to fix the door, so you had it welded on.

The car still has dried egg and eggshell from 2 halloweens ago.

Moss grows on one side of the car.

Your tires have inner tubes.

There is a twin size mattress where the back seat was.

There is a family of field mice living in the glovebox.

Quite often you find 1 or 2 homeless people living in your car, and they don't always leave when you ask them to.

You see people taking pictures of your car with their cell phones.

Other cars on the road swerve around you thinking that some wreck had fallen off the back of a flatbed and was sitting in the middle of the road.

Your car doesn't reverse.

It accelerates on its own.

The police puul you over and ask if everyones okay

for quick sterring to the left you just hit the brakes . true story my bros truck does that when you hit the breaks it goes to the left

chip foose would run screaming down the street having a massive nervous breakdown and no one could understand a word he was saying.

people comment on the unusual lawn ornament in your front yard.

the neighbors call the biohazard team.

it resembles a toxic waste dump.

the fire department wants to use it for a controlled burn.

kids think its haunted

even rent a wreck doesnt want it

even homeless people refuse to sleep in it.

two or more parked along side each other wont class as a duplex due to health department

its a ford

You wont buy anything over $1000 cause you stop and think thats twice the price I paid for my car.

It has studded snow tires year round.

It has snow tires and you live in arizona.

You wax it and the paint comes off.

The VIN on the car doesnt match the title!

You have more than one parts car for it.

Its a truck without a bed on it.

You buy multiples of the same type of car so you can just swap license the plate.

You relocated the spare tire to behind the drivers seat to keep the seat upright.

People save and give you old parts they are going to through away cause they know there better than whats on your car.

You have to disconnect the battery cable every time you park.

You have to climb through the back hatch to unlock it.

Its been hit so many times that even with all the repairs and what you paid for it you still made money off of it.

You dont worry about your car rusting cause you are constantly applying a protective coating oil to the underside of your car.

If it's a 1983 S-10 www.freewebs.com/1983S10

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people think its uglier than a scion xb

if its a ford

if your AC in having no windows

The salvage yard returned your car and demanded a refund.

Your neighbor put your car up for sale on Ebay.

$20 starting bid, no reserve and free shipping still gets no bids.

When the belt stops squealing it's not a good thing.

You can drive it in Mexico and not get harrassed by the Mexican police.

You threw the title in the trash.

you fix the bumper with a backhoe and a chain

its not listed in the kelly blue book anymore.

the car dealer dies laughing when you tell him this is my trade in.

You paid so little for the car that you consider a few $5 repairs throwing good money after bad

your insurance agent says youve got to be kidding.

the interior smells like vegtable soup, and you've never eaten that in the car.

Looks like something from a mad max movie

you bought it outright at a party when you were drunk.

You have your own parking spot at Auto Zone.

Instead of trade-in value, your car gets a core return value.

Your car isn't worth its weight in anything.

Other motorists think they saw a ghost when you drive by

Auto Zone calls to see if something happened to you after not hearing from you for three days.

driving your car makes you ineligable for life insurance

there are more mesquitoes breeding in the water of your floorboards than all of the state of Louisianna

you have ever done "body work" with a sawzall and a ball peen hammer.

you pull over for gas on the highway and you lean against the side of it while filling it up only to realize that all of your lugs have been sheared off except for one, then proceed to jack it up a tire at a time to "transplant" good lugs from the other w

heels to make up for it only to realize that there arent enough good lugs on any of the other wheels to lose even one. (I sold that car for 12 bucks and a slice of pizza)

your hole in the floor is a cup holder.

your cup holder is a hole in the floor.

You don't even bother to trade it in.

When it finally quits on the freeway, you just take the tag off and walk away.

The rust holes in the roof leak rain inside.

When you die, Auto Zone closes for the day so the staff can attend your funeral.


for your car, 60 MPH is a miracle.

Not even sawdust will stifle the death-wine of the transmission.

Your stereo system is more expensive than your car

your hands are black but the rest of you is white!

You take out the floor plugs install astro turf so you can hose out the interior after going to the beach

You pry the fender away from the door with a crowbar so you can open the door.

Your dome light fills up with rain water.

You use vice-grips to hold the battery terminals on.

When the door is frozen shut you don't think twice about using a propane torch on it.

The paint comes off with the snow. (94 Dodge Shadow)

You can determine the cars age by the size of the rust spots on the roof.

You shut it off by popping the clutch.

You apply the brakes and you keep moving.

You have to pay extra to run a carfax.

the exhaust holes are so loud you cant hear the radio, passenger, or sirens

you have a hand tool for a shifter

You've failed the e-check 8 times after spending $1000 to fix it.

The guys at the e-check station put on their gas masks when they see that you have arrived for your 8th re-test.

You only have one speaker that works on the radio and it is wired with an old lamp cord.

It is worth $50 and you still owe three payments on it.

You spend more than $200 a month with www.4door.com

you drove the car you ran in demolition derby home

you ran a ramp and your augsast fell off.

you took off the hood and painted it different colors.

the car is so old that you cant find tires that fit

The clutch slipps so bad you havent touched the pedal for a month but are still driving it.

The clutch slipps so bad that you dont need to push the pedal to shift.

It has more than 1 dognut tire and one of them is flat.

At a stop light/sign you have to pop it out of gear and hold the gas to keep it running.

Your tranny slipps so bad that you have to put your feet through the rust hole in the floor to give the car a boost to get it moving.

Your "cruise control" is differenly sized bricks to put on the gas pedal.

when the city reduces your homes value due to look of vehicles in driveway,yard,

all the original parts are long gone.

you try to sell it on ebay and people take up a collection because they feel sorry for you.

you are driving a ford!

You had a monster truck!

Hit the brakes slowly cause the water trapped in you leaky sunroof will leak

I liked your monster truck.

You have to turn the key three times while holding the sifter in place to start the it.

it has rich corinthian leather or a heavily padded vinyl top that is ripped to shreds

it has a blue oval or any other emblem that starts with "fo"

the body is made up of 97% and 3% rust

Your seatbelt come undone as you drive

You've 'cashed in' on your muffler warranty eight times

If a little five year old climbs in your car, looks around with wide-eyed amazement, and exclaims, "Is this car ever COOL".

the advertisement for your car mentions that the radio works good!

Your two year old baby brother can crawl faster then you can drive.

when you close the hood the trunk opens by itself.

when ur wheels fall off

you driving a holden

you jid from the irs in the junk yard an d they find you casuse the saw you outline throught the rust holes

when you punch it you punch a whole in the floor

wen u die

u put $5000 and it still looks like crap

ur rims are worth more than ur car (Tx Jeeper)

u race a economy car and lose(Tx Jeeper)

The door opens, but the hinges do not.

When you shut the hood, the car rolls away.

When you get a flat tire while driving, you just keep driving to your destination.

You haul engines in your hatchback

When the door falls off, you just leave it where it fell.

You go to the salvage yard looking for a trade- in.

You can spin your rims on the flat tires.

You have to "hotwire" the alternator so the battery won't go dead! 81 Buick Regal

the car drives its self

The wheel falls of when you kick it

you can fix it with duct tape, crazy glue, and caulk.

the neighbors take up a petition that says not in my neighborhood!

shopping carts run away from it!

when you go to the junkyard for parts and when you go to check out your car is on display.

Filling up the gas tank doubles the cars value.

You wash your car with a sqeegee at the gas station

when you honk the horn a construction crew breaks for lunch, 10 blocks away.

if it has a blue oval on it

If it's a Chevy!

if you have 10 years of trash piled up on the backseat and passengers seat and you never cleaned it once.

your headlights and taillights consist of flashlights duct taped to the car.

The junkyard comes to you

The guys from overhaulin can`t restore it

You Lost a drag race to an 80's Chrysler Mini Van.

If people hit the deck when you rev the engine.

If your transmission slips so bad that you have to floor it to get the car to move at all and you count your 0-60 in minutes not seconds. 1978 Volare Wagon

If it lets out a cloud of smoke bigger than the car when you start it.

You buy a case of oil once a week.

If you get passed on hills by loaded Dump trucks and VW Buses.

If the right window motor and rear wiper stop working along with a rad hose explosion

your car is held together by wist ies and bandades

the blinkers don't blink automatically (Archie)

using the blinker sometimes make the horn beep (Archie)

You're happy if you can just get the engine to leak as much as it used to (Archie)

You don't have a key for the passenger door (Archie)

The rear view mirror has fallen off so many times that you can now catch it as it falls (Archie)

You're always leaning because half of the seat foam is worn away (Archie)

when your shirt hits the weather stripping as you get in the car, you get a bunch of black powder on your shirt (Archie)

2 separate rims started leaking because the welds wore out (Archie)

You feel like you're driving some kind of fancy car because the transmission doesn't leak anymore (Archie)

You spend all day on the city bus, going cross town to pick up a paycheck so you can pay for your transmission repair (Archie)

Your brake rotor shatters as you drive down the road (Edith)

Your upper ball joint explodes as you drive down the road (Archie)

you go too fast around a corner and the battery falls off its tray, pulling the positive battery cable up against the hot exhaust, shorting out the whole electrical system (Archie)

You removed the air conditioning system and threw it in a trash dumpster (Archie)

The coolant comes out dark brown when you drain it, no matter how many times you fill and drain it (Edith)

Instead of replacing the $13 leaky power steering hose, you spend $100's in fluid over the course of many years (Archie)

the rear window falls off the track when you hit a bump (Archie)

Your fuel gage only moves from 1/8 full when empty to 1/4 full when full yet you can still tell how much fuel you have (Archie)

You destroy motor mounts every few years (Archie)

the rear wheel is rusted to the car (Meathead)

Exhaust falls off when you go over a speed bump (Archie)

Your exhaust "donut" falls off while driving, causing it to sound like you have no exhaust at all, yet you keep driving like you haven't a care in the world (Meathead)

You blew the muffler to smithereens when the engines backfired (Meathead)

You hit a curb and snap the lower control arm off the car (Archie)

You got a coat hanger stuck inside your door (Mr. Jefferson)

Windshield wipers only work when car is warmed up (Archie)

You stop while on your way to deliver a pizza to replace a broken brake spring (Archie)

You lube the window rollers by sticking a funnel in the door and pouring motor oil into it (Archie)

You whack the car with a tire iron because it stalled (Archie)

your kids die laughing when u tell them this is what you will inherit.

your mechanic shakes his head and says park it and play taps for it. its DOA

has a bowtie or has toy in its name

you have to sweet talk your car to keep it from stalling out

has over 300 thousand miles and still runs:)

The hood has gate hinges rather than the factory hinges! True! Our '67 Ford F-100! The inner fenders had rotted away!

The battery was worth more than the truck! So we took it out when the truck sadly went to the scrapyard.Our '67 F-100 again!

opening the door requires using a jackhammer

when you hit bumps, the struts keep on bouncing for a few moments

hitchhikers wont even get in with you cause there scared of the car

you have to use a bottle of windex with a rag to clean the windshield while driving

you begin to distinctly and fondly remember when and where each dent was discovered and/or received.

the transmission is so bad that when starting to move you wait a while for the worn gears to engage

you replace the door on it and call it 2 tone

if it makes a cloud of fog behind it

you cut off the parts of the car that welded together by rust to fix more important parts of the car

you know were all the junk yards are that have parts for your car, 78 Caprice

it goes through mufflers every 6 months. (My 1987 Dodge Daytona)

when there are more than 2 people in it, it bottoms out in turns. (My Daytona)

the moonroof leaks every time it rains. (My Daytona again)

you cover up the rust spots with bumper stickers.

it takes over ten seconds AFTER you start it before you get oil pressure. (My Daytona has finally had enough)

there's no top and you call it "Redneck Roadster". (My 1967 Olds Delmont 88 convertible)

there's 3 ways you can tell it's coming before you even see it: You hear the car because the muffler is rusted, you see the blue cloud of smoke, and you smell the stinking cloud of smoke. (My Daytona just wont quit)

Its any kind of minivan

when your power steering pump breaks the pully backing into a space my 89 chevy full size pickup.

you ramp the car 4 foot off the ground and you cant tell afterward (my 94 ford tempo) (aka. the pimpo)

you turn a corner and the cab rolls to the side but the dash and seat doesnt move. (my bud's 84 ford f-250)

when you powerbrake it you can put the gas to the floor and nothing happens. (my daytona)

when the car is at the right RPMs, the whole floor shakes because of the rust. (My Daytona)

when you break 3 things in 3 weeks my power steering pump pully, alternator, and lower radiator hose yesterday my 89 chevy 1500 is a beater.

you think a six year old battery has a lot of life left

when it gets cold enough, it likes to stall and not run on all of its cylinders. (My Daytona)

the floor shakes at all engine speeds now. (My Daytona)

the shimmy at 45mph and up adds to the shaking floor. (My Daytona)

you consider gorilla glue the best invention ever made.

adding 4 random stereo speakers is your idea of a "custom sound system"

You drive over a pothole and the rust holding the wheel well in place gives way..hence the wheel well sticking out 5 inches

when you can start a car with any key..or a spoon-my cousin's old ford probe

when you can take the key out when driving and it doesn't die-my cousin's old probe and my 87 corolla

when breaking into your car with a hand bent hacksaw blade, you don't care about scratching the paint (87 corolla)

when you envy a person with a car that is 1990 or newer

your car has sawdust in the transmission, 90wt oil in the engine, a brand new muffler, and it still sound like hell

You actually fill the oil and check the gas. (My Daytona)

Every time you kick the car rust comes of the bottom and you tell your friends it's weight reduction. (My Daytona)

You have a dounut spare and 3 tire rubbers in the hatch....just in case. (My Daytona)

You lost a drag race to a late 90s Pontiac Montana that sounded like crap. (My Daytona)

You have to get in through the hatch when the doors freeze shut. Because if you pry the door open, it wont shut. (My Daytona)

You had to drive while holding the door shut because the latch was frozen. (My Daytona)

It's in a million pieces in the back yard (Meathead)

when you let off the gas at 35mph it stalls even though it's in drive. (My Daytona)

you need to use jumper wires on your window switch to make your power windows go up and down

All of the wheels were rusted on and you had to go to EXTREME measures to get them off. (My 1994 Ford F-150. Goodbye Daytona, Hello Fix Or Repair Daily)

The hoses going to BOTH gas tanks are leaking. (The Ford)

The company that built your car no longer exists.

The company that built your car needed to borrow your money to stay afloat!

Rather than fixing the head gasket, you just add stop leak when it starts leaking too badly again.

You have to go start your car for the mechanic.

The mechanic asked you what still works

You can see the road through the floor You can't keep anything in the trunk because of all the rust

Your doors are rusted shut from non use

People hear you 25min before they they see you

You've bought so much duck tape that the makers are sending you free discount coupons

The duck tape on your car is turning to dust

The shocks are nonexistent

Your wheels look like Nascar tires because there so bald

The mechanic sees you driving in and goes to start the car crusher

The last time you changed the oil it was 1964 and the car still runs.

You need another car just to start yours.

You take a drive in a black neighborhood and you see gang members ducking for cover

if you frive a ford or dodge

It requires tilting the steering wheel to use the turn signals.

The car wont start for anyone but you...

You bought your car from someone who was selling it primarily for its engine, yet it is still going strong. -1969 Ford T-Bird sedan

You bought it from an impound auction after it had been sitting since 1992, and it started right up despite looking like trash-1978 Dodge Magnum

it has ONE new shock absorber. (my Ford)

bought it off a guy how took it as pay for an airconditing job for 350 running

You have to disconnect the battery to turn it off

you always drive in the lane closest to the shoulder...just in case!

its been your daily driver so long that even though the fumes give you a buzz, your passenger DIES from carbon monoxide poisoning

No matter the model year, its EVER been driven in the vicinity of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania

No matter the age of the car, you buy, and apply those stick-on, front fender portholes to try to make people think your Ghetto piece of S--T taurus is somehow a Buick!

if you dont know the difference between "then" and "than", well THEN, maybe you should drive a piece of crap rather THAN stinking up a nice car with your ignorance.

You paid twice as much for the exaust system as you paid for the car

You live in West Virginia.

If the interior smells BETTER after you "DO" a big fat chick in the back seat.

If, when parked on a rainy night, the rain makes your horn go off.

If you're over 18 and still watch MTV

When you take it to the emisions testing station (Maryland) they look at you and say "You've got to be F-ing kiding me!"

Your car is registered in Ohio

your car looks like it has Leprosey(?) 94 Bonneville

Even your mother the crack whore disaproves of your "Fast and Furious" wannabe piece of S--T!

You drive a Dodge Daytona. (His Daytona).

you give up the Dodge and go with a Ford.?WTF!?

your car is plastered with RACING stickers

your car burns BOTH

antifreeze and oil my 89 chevy pickup

your car bumber is made from childrens playground equipment

you have to use a 3 1/2 foot long 2x4 to hold the trunk lid open. (94 Bonneville)

if you've ever christened your 1975 Plymouth Valient "Racer-X" by drawing an X across the entire hood with the heel of your black rubber souled Redwings while standing on it.

if you've ever noticed a bullet hole in the sheet metal and thought, "COOL!"

if you've ever bragged to your friends that your Saturn made the Kestle Run in less than 12 parsepts

if you refer to the red primer spots on your yellow '74 Chevy Luv as "camoflage"

its your daily driver and theres an active mouse nest under the hood.

you love the car so much that when someone parks too close to it, you punnish them by repeatedly slamming your door into the side of their car.(I've "heard" that it feels REALLY good!)

if you've ever rolled it, hammered the roof out, replaced the windshield, and kept on a drivin her.

if you've ever set the points with a match-book cover

when people have derogitory remark to say about your car, you respond with "yeah. But its got "Personality"."

when you bought it, it had an original HAMERJACKS bumper sticker on it. And to this day, the car is still sporting that same sticker.

if you've ever used it to "erase" unattractive mailboxes

if you refer to the emergency brake HANDLE as "The Johnny Rod".

you wish your car was a 1974 Dodge Monnaco with " a 440 cubic inch plant, cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks, and runs good on regular (meaning good old fashioned LEADED) gas.

if you ever bought a second-hand ford

your mother ever said, "you're not going to park that thing in MY driveway!"

your father ever said, "you're not parking that piece of crap in my driveway"

you've ever fixed the headliner with a staple gun

you've ever walked in to a Mercedies repair shop and asked the counter guy if he had a wire coat-hanger you could have so you could tie up the exaust pipe on your '74 Laguna S3 that broke loose at the muffler.

if you ever used your car in the lost ART of "field running".

you drive an un-restored '77 Trans Am with a reble flag front plate.

you've ever tried to "bag a buck" with the front bumper.

the first time your athiest mother saw it, she started going to Mass daily and praying the Rosary.

you park it in front of your neighbers house just to "piss them off.

the only reason you keep it and dont buy a better car is because you know that the neighberhood assosiation hates it but cant do a damn thing about it.

you consider parrallel parking a contact-sport.

your car stereo is original equipment AM-FM, 8 track.

you bought it at Barret-Jackson. Forget the hype! Its old. Its a piece of s--t. You paid too much. Clear-coat over rust is NOT a sound investment plan!

you've found pot seeds germinating on the carpet.

you drive anything that even remotely resembles any car seen in any "Mad Max" film.

you drive any car built in the U.K.

you drive a Yugo. If you do drive a Yugo, you have my undieing respect. You are THE MAN! YEAH!

you invited Dennis Gage to have a look at it. His responce at first look was "crush it! Its a piece of S--T!"

you've ever seen someones brand new car diagonally parked across two parking spaces and you "corrected" their parking "error" by using your car to reposition their car into a single parking space. Always fun, but unfortunatly, for obvious reasons, you hav

you have to park far away.

it smells so bad that your mother calls 911 and tells them it smells like theres been a dead body in it.

you've ever been driving down the road, minding your own buisiness, and seen a car parked on the shoulder with the drivers door open and figured, "why not". DOOR PRIZE!

you've ever been stuck in traffic. Stopped. Not moving. And along comes the guy on the motorcycle, making his own lane. Just as he is along side your left quarter panel, you throw open your door. Oopps! My bad! Sorry bout that. DOOR PRIZE!

the the car was ever owned by anyone living in, or has ever lived in Dundalk Maryland.

you can contribute 51 entries to this list in two sittings over 7 days and still have more in the old grey matter. In my humble opinion, that should be worth a free StillRuns bumper sticker.

your window is busted out, yet stray cats would rather freeze to death than seek shelter in your car.

you have to explain to the parts store people how the engine in the car is not the same make/model/year as the (majority) of the rest of the car

the people at the parts store know your name and what you drive

the opening scene of "Dodgeball" gives you nostalgia (car starts = good day)

your exahust falls off in front of the muffler. (My Ford AND My Daytona)

It hasn't had a wax in so long the red is fading to pink. (My Ford)

Your H.O.A. Fines you if you park the car in your driveway for more than 5 minutes and your neighbors park there's outside all the time.

Everyone laughs at you and jokes about your car at your work.

The family dog is affraid of your car because of the noise it makes.

Your car single handedly has a carbon footprint bigger than Montana.

your car is so loud deaf people can feel the vibrations

it bounces so much and vibrates your girl has an orgasm

It's quicker to walk to where you want to go rather then drive.

You drive on broken coil springs and don't notice until inspection

You willingly hit shopping carts in Walmart parking lot at speed "for a good time"

You blame the "performance tranny" for rough shifts

vice grips are deemed a suitable replacement for one or more missing handles in the car

If you have circled the large dents on the side of your truck with yellow grease pen stating "deer hit truck here" with arrows pointing to the dents

Your transmission takes so long to shift that as soon as it goes into gear it's time for the next gear.

If instead of recycling the newspaper you put them behind your seat back to keep it up.

you had to run the heater on max in winter to keep it from overheating.

You leaked so much oil it deteriorated the engine and tranny mounts.

..upon a hard stop your oil light came on informing you were 3 quarts low -- capacity was only 5

Is and '86 w/ no bed, no window regulators, 4WD inop, mismatched tires, and exhaust held on w/ copper tubing.

you use a bungee cord from door to door to hold both of them shut, and need assistance to get in

you leave smoke clouds with every right turn you make

spun tires and got a face full of snow

none of your gauges work but the check engine light is flawless

it cost you twice as much to get it home than you paid for it

you traded a leather jacket for it, and the guy who got the jacket got the better part of the deal

you and friends play hide and seek in a corn field without concern over damage to cars.

you break a shock mount on a pot hole but not jumping railroad tracks

take you tranny into shop and they claim these made them rich, and have tons of spare parts laying around for them (AMC)

have both rear leafs springs break within 2 two weeks of each other (AMC)

instead or poppin ddents andd pullin fenders you ues zues clips and hood pins VILE8R10

your clutch stays on the floor when you put it down.(My Ford)

your ragtop is made of dishrags (my 1984 monte carlo)

there is more steel cords hanging out of your tires than tread on them

your vinyl top has been peeled off and resprayed on with undercoating

you drain your radiator because of a leak to get it fixed and egg yolks and black pepper come out

you have to park on the top of a hill to coast start it

you have to stop and pee in the radiator to make it home

you rear end is held in with ratchet straps

you have to twist your battery terminals 9 times before it starts

the rear bumper to your 1991 nissan pathfinder is made entirely out of tinfoil

You have to carry a hammer to rap against starter before attempting to start it.

You leave a note informing potential thieves to let vehicle warm up before driving away, they still don't take it.

traded leather jacket for it and gas tank falls out within a week.

Don't use trunk since item may fall out of get wet. Gas tank sending unit easily serviced though!

Earl Scheib or Maaco paint job consider show quality finish for your ride.

You learn your truck has a broken frame by watching the bed flex upward while attempting to power brake it.

...your sunroof is sealed with duct tape to stop leaks.

....there's more fluids leaked on your garage floor than your vehicle can contain.

...any place your car has been parked for more than a 24 hr. period is designated as an environmental hazard.

2 years -> 5 engines, 3 transmissions, and one rear end.

....Your friends know you're coming by the rod knock of your engine.

....DMV cannot determine what color to put on your registration.

...Algore, the UN climate change panel, and the Sierra Club have labeled your car as the biggest threat to our environment.

....it's a MATADOR!

...you use 30W oil because it leaks out slower.

Kleenex keeps your hands from sticking on the steering wheel (My 92 tempo)

0Your car bckfire and Mesa cops hear it

Your medical degree helps sew the airbag back up

your gas tank is a 2 gallon can under the hood

you're busy busting on everyone else's car and can't spell to save your life

you put out the fire, rigged a new clutch cable and kept driving ('84 S-10 4x4)

You are asked to Leave the funeral precession.

....your windows are held up by rags stuffed in the window channels.

....your side doors are held closed by a bungy cord.

....roll your truck, pound out the dents and it looks better!

....your floor boards are made from old street signs pop-riveted in.

....Paid $800 for it and spent over $2500 in 3 years for repairs, and car still isn't worth the initial cost. AMC, AlMost a Car.

....There's a better chance of seeing a Yugo than your car, and yours was named Motor Trend car of the year the same year.

The blue 1983 S-10 shown above is mint compared to yours; and you really could use that bed!

Flashing, pop rivets, and tar make up much of the lower body panels.

has a push button am radio with only push buttun left and radio is permtly stuck on all talk radio 85 f150 to listin to the radio have to cover the speaker withh a towell cause it only plays loud 88 e250 ford van

no mater what the price of gas you only put in $5.00 in dimes pennys you empty the ash tray and find seeds and have smoked join

one corner roof still has the oringnal paint there are stains on the paint from when you slammed down a 16oz tall boy

you have to wait 3 mins for the transmission to catch 10 mins if been parked over night 71 chrysler newport

some puked on the carpet you clean it up and see that the carpet was gold not black

ever tryed to push and jump start a automatic and it worked

the guy at the gas station has to restart the air compreser more than once

you go to trift stores and buy 3x white t shirts to put over the drivers seat back and pillow to sove in the hole so the seat is flat and can see over the dash

you can roll back and parreal park in one roll

cash for clunkers turned your car down

you talk to the gas gauge "come on gauge move just put $5 in"

to lock car slam door hard open vent window hope no ones watching lock door close vent window alt lock door and place handle on door to look like its locked from the out side climb over seat aand out right rear pass door if parked on hill passenger mu

if parked on hill passenger must place brick under wheel sure to tell him witch wasy the car will roll

ur speling is etrocious

kid at the parts store has never seen a 76 ford mavrick and ask what's a carburetor float after you spent 5 mins telling him what a carburetor was

ive been reading this list for 2 hours

you convert to it from a 3 on the tree to 3 by the knee and put on a 5 speed shift knob

car has a 2 speed automatic and is called a powergluide or fordomatic

is rear wheel drive

Babies cry upon entry.

it runs better with the "check engine" light on.

it has more ashtrays than cupholders.

if baby cupholders, check engine

Vomit stains in the seats from the 70s still visable and smells.

Even your pizza drivers say it's time to junk it.

You pee in the radiator to get home.

You bought it at the scrapyard for $5.

you and a friend spend 36 hours putting in a 50 dollar head unit from walmart

you colored in the check engine light with a sharpie

You have to duct tape the windshield every week or else the floorboard fills with rainwater.

you can pull the bumper off to check the radiator

Very nice site!

Very nice site!

you get worried when the engine light turns off.

you no longer have a glass moonroof so you replaced it with cardboard/plywood

It looks like a gremlin

You cut the frame off the body to get your shopping.

If you don't have ac!

You have to buy lead additive to pour into the tank because its so old, the valve seats still require it

You start it by jumping the cylinoid.

You think that the cracks in the tires add traction

your radiator springs a leak from the car just sitting in the driveway for a week in the sun (Archie Aug 2012).

if your car doesent brake for to long and you hit the gu infront of you

you drive a non american car

You need to disconnect the battery, and stall the engine to turn it off. (Difficult with an auto.)

If the backseat falls off when you slam on the brakes.

Starting the car involves a prybar.

You can see the engine without opening the hood.

You use a hanger to start the car.

You contemplate suicide every time you look at your car.

The doors are suicide doors...and you don't even drive a Lincoln.

a Muslim extremist asks if he can use your car to do a bombing.

as hit 70 mph the paint starts to peel off

your car is missing somthing you know needs to be there but you dont know what.

you drive a ford.

your mustang has chevy because it was cheaper than ford badging

your trying to trade your car for archie

haha! just sold Maude today for $450!!!

You have to "pop" the transmission to get it moving.

You brush the snow off the car, and the door disintegrates.

you covered the car with wallpaper to make it "look better"

you had to use wall paint on it

your dome light is a candle

your dash light is a cigarette lighter

You keep the "vinyl" roof on with zip ties.

The welds on the rim separate when driving on the highway (my '87 Regal)

you use gum on your car to keep it from sliding away

its full of trash that keeps the car weighted

The goo on the dashboard can stick your iPod on well enough, the back breaks off.

The steering wheel is from another car, of another brand.

The shift knob comes off, and you find roughly a pound of gum.

The holes in the floor were patched with stolen road signs.

The brakes haven't been changed since the car was new.

There are no door panels, no roof liner, no carpet, no paint, and a "Mad Max" grill bar on it. (79-81 frankenstein Monte-Carlo with '79 blazer frame)

There's a thick layer of hardened goo on the leather seats......in the groin region. ('71 Meteor Rideau -basically a Canadian version of Mercury Monterey-)

The steering wheel rubber peels off when turning ('91 Caprice)

Seat recline mechanism shatters, causing the saet to sit bolt upright ('93 Lumina)

you had sex in the backseat and broke the leather ('87 Ford LTD)

You clean the windshield and it buckles.

Instead of antifreeze or water, the radiator is full of urine.

People in your neighborhood know when you're leaving early by the blue cloud.

Put the car into reverse, shifter snaps off ('79 Gremlin)

Leaving the car running in the parking lot is needed, as the alternator is shot.

The hood is held down with cargo straps ('83 Range Rover)

You hit a pothole and break the steering arm, and the headers, and the starter.

You move the seat backwards and a bolt snaps ('94 Tempo)

First time sitting in the car, the floorpan buckles and breaks ('67 Mercury)

You can lift the rear seats out when you need to haul lumber ('78 DeVille)

You lean on the trunk and you break a bondo patch you didn't know was there.

You put a coupe door on your sedan. ('81 DeVille)

The car has push-start, as in you have to push it to start it.

The paint peels off on a windy day.

The suspension squeaks sitting still.

You have a towbar welded to the axle, as the mounting brackets rusted off years ago.

The handle snaps off AFTER closing the door.

The tires are bald, and the belts are exposed.

The carpet spews dust everytime you floor it.

If you have ever tryied waxing you car and put yiu arm through the door removing the wax. (Happened to me)

The sunroof is a trash bag glued over a sawzall hole.

The paint is Chevy engine orange.

There are weeds growing from the weatherstripping ('57 Chevy before resto)

You use a broom handle to keep the roof lining up ('98 Lada Niva "only one in Nebraska")

You molded fenders and quarter panels out of cardboard and duct taped them onto the car to repair rust. (78 Toyota Corona)

Your rocker panels have been replaced by several rolls of aluminum duct tape. (92 Olds Cutlass Ciera)

none of the windows come even close to sealing

You open the glove box, and fuses pour out.

The roof is held on by duct tape. - 94 Cavalier convertible

Beggars on the street corner offer you their spare change

You are missing the inspection plate (1972 impala)

Your radiator pops out of its mounting every speed ump.

You close the hood and the windshield buckles.

The police GIVE you money after they look at your car.

When the brakes go on, so does the horn.

When you cry for 10 minutes because the bungee cords that hold your door closed come loose and snap you in the elbow.

You have three fuel filters going to the carb.

When you hit a pothole, the welds on the rim separate.

Your rocker panels consist of spray foam insulation, aluminum tape, and undercoating

When your registration expires and you use a different sticker from another car (76 Dodge Monaco)

when you have to replace your tail lights with ambulance tail lights.

All of your rust is belong to me. Uncle Dolan

when your front marker lenses are more silicone than lens. (76 monaco)

You know your slab is old when you can find on any part of Craiglist

You have a trailer tire instead of a spare.

You bought the car with the cash you made scrapping your old car

When you use the wipers, the starter engages

It runs better with the starter stuck on.

a toyota

if it dont have hubcaps

no bed on the truck

duct tape on the car,1977 ford thunderbrid

is not a Cadillac

if the engine fell off,over night,old AMC MADADOR

a ford pinto

from a junkyard

So rusty it broke in half

if is a plastic garbage bag over the seat,1986 ford bronco ii and a 1992 ford thunderbird

you use an wooden pencil or pen for opening the hood

if the hood fell off,when driving,a 1987 chevy monte carlo ss and a 1977 dodge monaco

is a rat rod or/been modified

if it been painted black primer

if it been on its side

if the car been parked more then one or two years

if it a convertible with no top,1975 pontiac grandville

if the gas tank fell off when it is park,1983 ford ltd

the seat fell of when driving,1973 duster

driving a car in a rainstorm with no wipers,1983 ford ltd

driving a convertible with no top in a rainstorm, 1975 pontiac grandville

a tree feel on it,old AMC MATADOR

if hubcaps are duct tape togater to the car.1974 chevy nova

the car been on fire,an ford pinto

if it was for free, 1960 ford falcon,but it was a good car.

if it was an $500 car

driving a car in a rainstorm with no wipers,and then hit a tree,AMC MATADOR

a new toyota

than the tree fell on the AMC MATADOR

it is a mix of cars,a mix of 1970-1972 chevy monte carlo

if a hubcap is the steering wheel on the car,1983 ford ltd and AMC MATADOR

NO "vinyl" roof on the car


huge rust holes in the floors,1979 ford mustang

huge rust holes and dents all over,1979 ford mustang with an 1982 hood on it

rusty but trusty and leaky,1979 ford mustang,I got for $250 and it runs.

a leaky and rusty 1977 chevy impala two door

the same with the 1971 amc matador,I got for $100

if it is an $500 or less car,1979 ford pinto for $500 I got

a k car,1981 dodge aries two door

a 1977 ford thunderbrid I got,it been in the woods for 20 or more years,and it still runs

the k car I got for $150

if the black bumper fell off,when you a mail box it 5 mph ,1977 dodge monaco

when have to duck taped the bumpers on the car,1974 and 1977 dodge monaco

if the font end fell of at 50 mph on a ha road,1971 ford ltd two door

it not a vw bug

So rusty it broke in half,1974 dodge monaco

no bumpers on the car ,1978 chevy monte carlo

if the car been the woods for 10 years,1973 chevy chevelle two door

the car went on fire when going it 55 mph,1974 ford pinto

I was riding with friend,then a tire that blew up,then the fender fell of the car,1977 Pontiac grand prix

then the rear and font bumper fell off the same dayy,so duct taped to the car.1977 pontiac grand prix

if you posted the last 150 drunk entries on this list!

Add your own You might be driving a beater if...

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